The Taxman

The Inland Revenue decides to audit an 80 yr old pensioner, Alf.
They summons Alf to an appointment with the most thorough
auditor in the office.
The auditor is not surprised when Alf shows up with his solicitor.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle
and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that
you win money gambling. I'm not sure the Inland Revenue finds
that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Alf. "How about a
demonstration?" The auditor thinks for a moment and says,
"Okay. You're on!" Alf says, "I'll bet you a thousand pound that
I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."
Alf removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Alf says,"Now, I'll bet you two thousand pound that I can bite
my other eye." The auditor can tell Alf isn't blind, so he takes the
bet. Alf removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned
auditor now realises he has bet and lost three thousand quid, with
Alf's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Would you like to go double or nothing?" Alf asks. "I'll bet you
six thousand pounds that I can stand on one side of your desk
and piss into that rubbish bin on the other side, and never get a
drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, is cautious
now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way Alf can
manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Alf stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers, but although
he strains for all his worth , he can't make the stream reach the
bin on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the
auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realising that he has just turned a
major loss into a big win. But Alf's solicitor moans and puts his
head in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the solicitor. "This morning, when Alf told me
he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me ?20,000 that he
could come in here and piss all over your desk - and that you'd
be happy about it."