A man walks into a bar sits down and orders himself a double whiskey which the barman promptly delivers.
Sitting enjoying the drink and looking around the man notices a large jar full of ten pound notes on the end of the bar, puzzled he summons the barman over,
"Yes sir?" asks the barman
"I was looking round your establishment and noticed there's a jar full of tenners over there" the man says nodding at the bottle, " may I ask what that is all about?"
"Lol of course sir" laughs the barman, " we have a series of challenges running in the bar, dares if you like. To be honest it's been going for ages and no-one has managed them yet" he says laughing. "There are 3 challenges you must do and if you do them then basically you get the whole jar"
"Wow" the man says ordering another drink " tell me more".
"Well" says the barman " first challenge is this litre bottle of Tequila. You gotta drink it in one, worm an' all"......the man stares at him as he continues...." secondly is me Bull Mastiff" the barman points to the back door...." he's a right grumpy bastard. Not his fault though because his tooth is rotten and he's in agony. He's too aggressive for a vet, no-one will touch him so your second challenge is to remove his tooth and give him some well deserved relief".
The poor man swallows hard on his drink, stares at the barman and orders another, " if that's the first two what the hell is the third?" he asks.
The barman serves the man his drink and continues...." the third is more a personal favour to me really" he says " me mum is upstairs and she's 95. Your third challenge is to give her what she desires most......an orgasm. The poor old mare has never had a guy able to perform the deed, I think she thinks she can't have one"....the barman looks at the floor in thought....."so" he says " fancy trying them?"
" The guy looks at him wide eyed " are you kidding mate, you can jog on, no chance"...the barman smiles and walks away, leaving the man to his drink. 45 minutes go by, the guy has now had about 6 doubles and again summons the barman...
" Yes sir?" the barman asks
"Here" the man says handing him a ten pound note " count me in". Shocked the barman asks if he is certain, and the man says yes. So he hands the man the Tequila bottle.......nearly two minutes later the man slams the bottle on the bar, he has done the first challenge.
"Well done the barman says " you're only the second person I ever see do that"
The man already halfway drunk smiles and staggers to his feet..." so where's this dog again?" the man slurs, the barman points to the back door,
" Please be careful" the barman says " he really is in agony".
The man staggered to the back door, looked back to the barman then headed through the door. For twenty or so minutes all the barman heard were screams, growls, barks, bangs shouting and swearing. Then everything goes quiet.....suddenly the back door bursts open and the man falls back in the bar, slamming the door behind him.
Sweating, bleeding, puffing, panting and torn to shreds the man gets to his feet slowly, using the wall for support....
"Are you ok?" the barman asks looking at the bedraggled man, pouring him a drink....
" Not really the man gasps but it's done". Looking at the barman he says... "Now, for the third, where is your mother with the dodgy tooth?" :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Sitting enjoying the drink and looking around the man notices a large jar full of ten pound notes on the end of the bar, puzzled he summons the barman over,
"Yes sir?" asks the barman
"I was looking round your establishment and noticed there's a jar full of tenners over there" the man says nodding at the bottle, " may I ask what that is all about?"
"Lol of course sir" laughs the barman, " we have a series of challenges running in the bar, dares if you like. To be honest it's been going for ages and no-one has managed them yet" he says laughing. "There are 3 challenges you must do and if you do them then basically you get the whole jar"
"Wow" the man says ordering another drink " tell me more".
"Well" says the barman " first challenge is this litre bottle of Tequila. You gotta drink it in one, worm an' all"......the man stares at him as he continues...." secondly is me Bull Mastiff" the barman points to the back door...." he's a right grumpy bastard. Not his fault though because his tooth is rotten and he's in agony. He's too aggressive for a vet, no-one will touch him so your second challenge is to remove his tooth and give him some well deserved relief".
The poor man swallows hard on his drink, stares at the barman and orders another, " if that's the first two what the hell is the third?" he asks.
The barman serves the man his drink and continues...." the third is more a personal favour to me really" he says " me mum is upstairs and she's 95. Your third challenge is to give her what she desires most......an orgasm. The poor old mare has never had a guy able to perform the deed, I think she thinks she can't have one"....the barman looks at the floor in thought....."so" he says " fancy trying them?"
" The guy looks at him wide eyed " are you kidding mate, you can jog on, no chance"...the barman smiles and walks away, leaving the man to his drink. 45 minutes go by, the guy has now had about 6 doubles and again summons the barman...
" Yes sir?" the barman asks
"Here" the man says handing him a ten pound note " count me in". Shocked the barman asks if he is certain, and the man says yes. So he hands the man the Tequila bottle.......nearly two minutes later the man slams the bottle on the bar, he has done the first challenge.
"Well done the barman says " you're only the second person I ever see do that"
The man already halfway drunk smiles and staggers to his feet..." so where's this dog again?" the man slurs, the barman points to the back door,
" Please be careful" the barman says " he really is in agony".
The man staggered to the back door, looked back to the barman then headed through the door. For twenty or so minutes all the barman heard were screams, growls, barks, bangs shouting and swearing. Then everything goes quiet.....suddenly the back door bursts open and the man falls back in the bar, slamming the door behind him.
Sweating, bleeding, puffing, panting and torn to shreds the man gets to his feet slowly, using the wall for support....
"Are you ok?" the barman asks looking at the bedraggled man, pouring him a drink....
" Not really the man gasps but it's done". Looking at the barman he says... "Now, for the third, where is your mother with the dodgy tooth?" :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
Last edited by Tintin666 on Wed Dec 07, 2011 7:03 am; edited 1 time in total